Autism and Social Skills: Complete Guide
Social skills differences are a core feature of autism, not an optional characteristic. According to the DSM-5, autism is defined by two diagnostic areas:
restricted and repetitive behaviors, and
persistent social communication and interaction challenges.
That means autistic learners may interact with the world in ways that appear unusual, unexpected, or difficult to interpret for neurotypical peers. As professionals, we must go far deeper than “teaching social rules” — the real work is understanding how each learner experiences social interaction.
Some learners may seem unaware of others.
Others desire connection but lack the communication, flexibility, or perspective-taking skills needed to participate comfortably.
And some appear socially skilled in structured settings but struggle to generalize to natural environments.
Regardless of their profile, every autistic learner benefits from compassionate, individualized support that emphasizes autonomy, dignity, safety, and assent rather than conformity.
Why Social Skills Matter
Social behavior touches everything:
Building relationships
Navigating school or workplace expectations
Communicating needs
Ensuring safety in the community
Participating meaningfully in shared activities
Even if a learner chooses minimal social engagement long-term (which is perfectly valid), they still need the skills to:
Ask for help
Decline interactions
Advocate for preferences
Navigate unpredictable environments
The goal is not to make autistic learners appear “more typical.”
The goal is to expand their social comfort, independence, and confidence.
Assessing Social Skills and Guiding Treatment
Social skills assessment isn’t just a checkbox — it’s the foundation of ethical, meaningful intervention. Autistic learners arrive with widely different communication profiles, sensory needs, preferences, and social motivations. A standardized checklist won’t capture the nuance you need to guide high-quality treatment. What will help is a combination of structured tools, observation, and assent-driven decision making.
Social skill challenges often overlap with:
Limited or emerging vocal communication
Restricted or highly specialized interests
Difficulty shifting between activities
Limited play or leisure repertoires
Challenges with flexibility or sharing
Sensory needs that influence social access
You’re not just teaching greetings or turn-taking; you’re building a scaffold for emotional regulation, perspective taking, autonomy, and safety.
Using Standardized Tools Wisely
Most ABA programs rely on assessments like the AFLS, VB-MAPP, or ABLLS. These tools do include social behavior, but they are not dedicated social skills instruments. A comprehensive social skills assessment should pinpoint:
Initiation
Response to social cues
Play level
Flexibility
Motivation
Conversational skills (if applicable)
Emotional regulation
Group participation
Joint attention
Few tools do this well, and even fewer are affordable or easy to implement. Two that stand out from the original content are: Social Skills Solutions (McKinnon & Kempa) and TRIAD Social Skills Assessment.
Social Skills Solutions (McKinnon & Kempa)
This manual remains one of the most usable social skills frameworks in ABA:
Clear modules
Three developmental levels per skill
Built-in scaffolding
Activities ready to implement
User-friendly for RBTs® and families
Aligned with ABA principles
Use this tool if you need something practical and flexible that helps identify foundations such as:
Joint attention
Self-awareness
Perspective taking
Emotional regulation
Problem solving
Reciprocal interaction
It’s especially valuable for BCBAs working with early learners or individuals who need clear structure and concrete skills.
TRIAD Social Skills Assessment
The TRIAD tool adds balance by emphasizing:
Naturalistic observation
Caregiver input
Structured interaction tasks
It’s ideal when you want a more ecological view of social functioning. It gives you specific, observable data to guide:
What to target
How to teach it
What supports to put in place
Whether group instruction is appropriate
How to Use Assessment Results to Plan Treatment
After gathering data from direct observation, caregiver interviews, and a structured tool, ask:
What are the missing steps in this learner’s social chain?
For example, suppose the TRIAD tool shows the learner struggles with “Accepting changes in plans.” Using the Social Skills Solutions module, you might:
Teach the skill in a 1:1 setting
Contrive small, predictable changes.Embed self-management strategies
Visuals, coping scripts, “plan A/plan B” cards.Reinforce flexible responding
Use meaningful, learner-selected reinforcers.Generalize to group settings
Introduce variations during small-group activities.Reassess regularly
Every 3–6 months, depending on intensity of service.
This is how you prevent teaching “random” social skills and instead create a coherent, individualized social curriculum.
Who Should Use These Tools?
These assessments work well for:
Early learners
Learners with emerging play skills
Learners needing structured support
However, they might be insufficient for:
Highly complex clients with co-occurring conditions
Adolescents or adults with strong verbal skills but limited social-emotional competence
Learners with significant trauma histories
Individuals who mask heavily in social settings
You may need to supplement with:
Mental health assessments
Executive functioning tools
Sensory assessments (OT collaboration)
Trauma-informed frameworks
Person-centered planning
Obtaining Assent
Before you teach any social skill, the most important “social interaction” is the one you initiate with the learner—seeking their assent. Assent isn’t a box to check. It’s the learner’s way of saying, “I’m okay with this,” through words, gestures, actions, or behavior. When working on social skills—an area that can be especially vulnerable for autistic learners—respecting assent protects dignity, reduces coercion, and increases genuine engagement.
Read our post Understanding Assent and Assent Withdrawal in ABA.
Why Assent Matters in Social Skills Teaching
Social interventions require trust. Without assent:
The learner feels controlled rather than supported
Social interactions become aversive
Skills are less likely to generalize
Relationship-based learning collapses
With assent:
Social learning becomes a collaborative process
The learner is more motivated
Sessions run more smoothly
Rapport strengthens
Teaching is more ethical and more effective
As social skills are often tied to autonomy, emotional safety, and personal boundaries, obtaining assent is non-negotiable.
How to Obtain Assent
1. Ask Directly (When Possible)
If the learner understands yes/no questions or simple choices, ask:
“Want to do this with me?”
“Are you ready to practice?”
“Do you want to try this together?”
Explain clearly what the activity involves. Vague requests = unclear consent.
2. Use Choices to Support Control
Choices aren’t “Do you want to do it?” but:
“Do you want to practice with puppets or pictures?”
“Do you want to do this at the table or on the floor?”
“Do you want me or Dad to help you?”
These options allow the learner to direct how—not whether—the activity happens.
This aligns closely with Shared Control strategies.
3. Listen to Behavioral Communication
Autistic learners often communicate assent or dissent through:
Approaching you
Engaging with materials
Relaxed posture
Accepting prompts
Staying with the activity
Withdrawal of assent may look like:
Turning away
Pushing materials aside
Leaving the area
Vocal protest
Increased muscle tension
Refusal to imitate or respond
These are not “noncompliance behaviors”—they are communication.
Respect them.
4. If the Learner Withholds Assent
Don’t force the activity. Instead:
Pause
Observe
Identify what may be aversive
Modify the activity
Reattempt with accommodation
Some examples:
If the learner walks away:
Shorten the activity; move to a preferred location.
If the learner becomes anxious:
Use visual supports, fewer demands, or a familiar script.
If the learner doesn’t understand:
Model the activity or use video modeling (add link to Video Modeling in ABA if you have it).
5. Benefits of Entrenching Assent into Practice
Increases dignity and autonomy
Improves therapeutic alliance
Reduces challenging behavior
Enhances generalization
Teaches the learner that communication matters
Makes social skills instruction more effective
Your job isn’t to force a learner through a lesson—it’s to build a context where learning feels safe, predictable, and meaningful.
Joint Attention
Joint attention is one of the most foundational—and often most misunderstood—social skills. It’s the gateway to shared experiences, language development, and meaningful social connection. For many autistic learners, joint attention doesn’t develop naturally and requires thoughtful, systematic teaching. When you strengthen this skill, you’re not just improving social engagement—you’re opening the door to richer communication and increased independence.
What Joint Attention Really Is
Joint attention occurs when two people focus on the same object or event and both know they’re sharing that focus. It’s more than looking where someone points—it’s the shared experience that makes social interactions meaningful.
There are two broad categories:
1. Responding to joint attention
The learner follows another person’s point, gesture, eye gaze, or statement.
2. Initiating joint attention
The learner spontaneously seeks to share an experience—pointing, showing, or shifting gaze between the object and another person.
Both are essential. Both can be taught.
Internal link opportunity: Link “joint attention” references to your Joint Attention dedicated post (if you have one) or the section from your earlier teaching article.
Why Joint Attention Matters
Joint attention predicts long-term outcomes in:
Language development
Social communication
Play skills
Peer relationships
Academic readiness
And that’s backed by decades of research.
How to Teach Joint Attention
Teaching this skill requires observation, shaping, prompting, reinforcement—and patience. Start where the learner already is and build slowly.
1. Observe What the Learner Can Already Do
Before teaching, determine:
Does the learner look when someone says, “Look!”
Does the learner ever point to show (not just request)?
Does the learner share attention with familiar adults only?
Does the learner prefer solitary play with no social bids?
Spend a full session simply watching. Take short notes.
This baseline guides everything that comes next.
2. Build Responding to Joint Attention
If the learner rarely responds:
Start extremely small.
Hold a highly preferred toy in front of the learner. Slowly move it a few inches to see if her eyes follow. If she tracks—even slightly—reinforce immediately.
Once that’s reliable, you can:
Increase the distance
Add a gesture (“Look!” + point)
Add social reinforcement
Introduce less-preferred items
Incorporate peers later in the sequence
3. Build Initiating Joint Attention
Initiation is harder because many autistic learners use communication for requesting, not sharing.
Start with structured activities:
Keep highly preferred items just out of reach
Prompt the learner to point or show the item
Reinforce heavily—and immediately
Fade prompts as quickly as possible
Teach multiple ways to initiate (gesture, vocalization, eye gaze, pointing)
Shaping example:
Learner looks at toy
Learner looks at adult
Learner alternates gaze between the two
Learner points
Learner shows item
Learner spontaneously bids for shared attention
Teach one variation at a time and build from there.
4. Expand Across Adults → Peers → Groups
Always generalize intentionally.
Teaching sequence:
Highly familiar adult
Another familiar adult
New adult
Calm peer
Small peer group
Natural settings (playground, classroom, community)
Peers often need coaching, too—don’t skip that step.
Practical Tips for Success
Keep sessions fun, playful, and fast-paced
Reduce demands during joint attention training
Use high-value reinforcers—joint attention is not naturally reinforcing for many learners
Embed practice throughout the day, not only during “teaching time”
Avoid prompting too quickly—this can interfere with natural initiation
Track small successes (glances count!)
When to Prioritize Joint Attention
Choose joint attention as a target when the learner:
Shows little awareness of others
Has difficulty learning language
Plays alone and rarely shares experiences
Struggles in group activities
Responds inconsistently to social bids
Is beginning early communication goals
If joint attention is weak, nearly every other social skill becomes harder. Strengthening it early creates a foundation for long-term growth.Play Skills
Play isn’t just “fun time”—it’s the backbone of early learning, social development, emotional regulation, and communication. For autistic learners, play skills often emerge differently or more slowly, and without direct support, these delays can cascade into challenges with social interaction, flexible thinking, and problem-solving. When you teach play intentionally, you’re not teaching games—you’re teaching connection, curiosity, and shared enjoyment.
Why Play Matters So Much
For neurotypical children, play naturally evolves from sensory exploration to imaginative scenarios to cooperative group games. Autistic learners may:
Prefer repetitive or sensory-based play
Engage in solitary routines
Use toys in non-functional or highly structured ways
Show limited symbolic or pretend play
Struggle to join or sustain peer play
None of these patterns are “wrong”—but they can limit opportunities for shared experiences unless we intervene thoughtfully.
Key benefits of play intervention:
Builds communication and language
Encourages flexible thinking
Increases tolerance for unpredictability
Strengthens emotional regulation
Creates natural opportunities for social learning
Helps generalize joint attention skills
Understanding How Autistic Learners Play
Autistic learners often engage in ritualistic or repetitive play patterns. This may include:
Lining up toys
Spinning wheels
Sorting items by color or shape
Repeating the same scripted play routine
Focusing on one component of a toy (e.g., door, button, spinner)
These patterns are meaningful to the learner—and often calming. They should not be dismissed or discouraged. Instead, treat them as an entry point for teaching more flexible and social play skills.
When does ritualistic play become a concern?
When the learner exclusively engages in one type of play
When the play limits interaction with peers
When play prevents learning other leisure or life skills
When it interferes with daily routines
If play rituals are soothing, keep them—but broaden the learner’s range of play options over time.
Types of Play You Can Teach
While play stages naturally overlap, autistic learners may benefit from more strategic teaching. Some types of play may come easier to your learner than others. The 5 types of play you can teach are:
1. Functional Play
Using toys as they are intended (rolling cars, stacking blocks).
2. Exploratory Play
Touching, squeezing, watching, listening, smelling—often sensory-driven.
3. Constructive Play
Building, sorting, assembling.
4. Symbolic/Imaginative Play
Using objects creatively to represent something else.
(This is often a major teaching focus for autistic learners.)
5. Social/Interactive Play
Playing with peers—sharing roles, taking turns, communicating.
Symbolic and social play are the most closely tied to social skills, so they become major targets in ABA programs.
Teaching Play Skills Step-by-Step
Teaching play isn’t about forcing a child to “play correctly.” It’s about expanding flexibility and building readiness for social opportunities.
Step 1: Understand the Learner’s Current Stage
Start with observation:
Does the learner engage in functional play?
Does she imitate actions with toys?
Does he explore toys for sensory input only?
Does she show early imaginative play?
Does he engage in any back-and-forth play with adults?
Observe across multiple sessions. Take short notes. This will guide your task analysis.
Step 2: Determine the Next Play Stage
Play progresses naturally but must be taught intentionally:
If the learner is at:
Sensory play → teach functional play with a toy that's new to the learner and might be interesting
Functional play → teach constructive or simple pretend play with a favorite toy
Simple pretend play → expand scripts, add complexity, increase flexibility
Socially isolated play → embed parallel play → associative play → cooperative play
You’re building a ladder—one rung at a time.
Step 3: Choose a High-Interest Activity
This is where teaching becomes fun.
Choose one of the learner’s motivators:
Cars
Trains
Dinosaurs
Superheroes
Animals
Blocks
Play-Doh
Kitchen sets
Tools
Fans/gears/plumbing (for learners with strong mechanical interests)
If you’re unsure, run a quick preference assessment or ask caregivers.
Step 4: Break Down the Play Goal
Complex play goals must be broken into small steps.
Example:
If the goal is “play ice cream shop,” break it down:
Pretend an empty bowl has ice cream
Pretend a cardboard box is a counter
Practice scooping motions
Pretend to serve a peer
Take turns ordering and serving
Add money, toppings, flavors to increase complexity
If symbolic play is a challenge, break it down even further:
Teach: “This box can be a car”
Teach: “This box can be a house”
Teach: “This box can be a shop counter”
Your task analysis should evolve with the learner's progress.
Step 5: Reinforce the Right Behaviors
Play is not the reinforcer for many autistic learners—so you must layer reinforcement:
Social praise
Tokens
Sensory reinforcers
Access to special items
Continuation of the play activity if the play is reinforcing
Breaks between tasks
Make reinforcement immediate, clear, and highly motivating.
Teaching Symbolic Play
Symbolic play is one of the most important social predictors and one of the hardest skills for some autistic learners to develop because it is highly abstract.
Here’s how to build it intentionally:
1. Model Creative Use of Objects
Show, don’t tell:
Put a bowl on your head like a hat
Use a block as a phone
Turn a towel into a cape
Turn chairs and a blanket into a tent
Pretend a cardboard box is a rocket ship
Make it engaging. Make it silly. Make it rewarding.
2. Teach Repeated Scripts
Scripts help symbolic play feel predictable.
Examples:
“Drive the firetruck to the building!”
“Pay for ice cream at the window!”
“Feed the baby and tuck her into bed.”
“Order from the menu at the pretend restaurant.”
Scripts create the structure autistic learners may need before they can improvise.
3. Expand Using Interests
Use special interests as play themes:
If the learner loves dinosaurs → create a dinosaur rescue mission
If the learner loves gears → pretend he’s the mechanic fixing a broken machine
If she loves Cars (the movie) → build a repair shop for Lightning McQueen
Use interests as the hook that brings the learner into the play.
Teach Social Play Using a Scaffold
Once symbolic play is emerging, shift into social play:
Social play progression:
Parallel play (same activity, no interaction)
Associative play (sharing materials but not roles)
Cooperative play (shared rules, roles, and goals)
Peer play without adult support
Each level needs practice, prompting, and reinforcement.
Practice Social Situations
Social success doesn’t emerge from theory—it comes from practice. Autistic learners benefit enormously from predictable, structured opportunities to rehearse social interactions before they occur in the real world. This reduces anxiety, builds confidence, and gives them the repetition they need to master each component skill.
While joint attention and play skills create the foundation, practicing actual social situations brings those skills to life.
Why Practice Matters
Rehearsal transforms social challenges into manageable, predictable routines. When social situations are practiced intentionally:
Learners know what to expect
Anxiety decreases
Communication becomes easier
Problem-solving improves
Flexibility increases
Generalization becomes far more likely
Just like sports, music, or academics, social skills improve with structured, repeated, meaningful practice.
Social Stories as a Teaching Tool
Social Stories™ remain one of the most widely recognized tools for preparing autistic learners for social interactions. Although research outcomes are mixed (strong findings in the National Standards Project; less conclusive results in other reviews), they remain a valuable option when used correctly.
A Social Story is effective when it:
Is personalized
Uses supportive, non-directive language
Includes photos or illustrations
Prepares the learner for what to expect
Describes what others might do or feel
Provides clear steps for what the learner can do
Carol Gray’s official guideline—Social Stories 10.2 Criteria—is essential to maintain the integrity of the tool.
Click HERE to download a PDF version of this social story.
Free Social Story Tools
For teams needing quick, accessible support, Autism Speaks and UW READI Lab offer free, customizable templates called Personalized Teaching Stories. These follow the core elements of Social Stories while allowing you to:
Insert personal photos
Add custom text
Adapt the story to the learner’s language level
Use real-life settings that increase relevance
Use these for:
Going to the playground
Joining a group activity
Ordering in a restaurant
Taking turns
Handling changes in routine
Navigating new environments
Beyond Social Stories: Active Practice
While Social Stories are useful, live practice is essential for skill acquisition and generalization. Consider integrating:
1. Role-Play
Practice scripts, greetings, turn-taking, and everyday interactions.
Start with the adult → then a familiar peer → then generalize to larger groups.
Great for:
Asking to join play
Handling mistakes
Sharing materials
Asking for help
Starting and ending conversations
2. Video Modeling
Research consistently supports video modeling as an effective tool for social skills (e.g., Halle et al., 2016; Sansosti & Powell-Smith, 2008).
Use it for:
Conversational skills
Greeting peers
Playing a game
Responding to social cues
Cooperative play
Have the learner watch the video → pause → discuss → practice → reinforce.
3. Practice in Natural Environments
Generalization is often the hardest part. Support learners in real-life settings:
Playgrounds
Classrooms
Cafeterias
Community locations
Family events
Use gentle prompting, reinforcement, and opportunities for success. Continue to watch for assent and be responsive to signs of overwhelm.
4. Peer-Mediated Interventions
Peers can be powerful teachers when they understand how to support an autistic learner.
Teach the peer:
How to invite the learner to play
How to wait for a response
How to interpret the learner’s communication style
How to maintain the play routine
This builds natural connections and reduces adult dependence.
Reinforcing Social Success
Reinforcement must remain clear, meaningful, and immediate. Social play is often not automatically reinforcing for autistic learners. Provide:
Tokens
Specific praise
Breaks
Access to preferred activities
Mini rewards embedded into play
Fade reinforcement slowly as the natural social environment becomes more predictable and enjoyable.
Conclusion
Supporting autistic learners in developing social skills isn’t about forcing neurotypical expectations—it’s about expanding opportunities, honoring autonomy, and offering tools that make social interactions more predictable, accessible, and meaningful. Social skills development is incredibly nuanced, and progress rarely follows a straight line. But with thoughtful assessment, respectful teaching practices, and a commitment to obtaining and honoring assent, you can help learners build skills that genuinely improve their quality of life.
What matters most is recognizing that each learner brings a unique combination of strengths, preferences, communication styles, and challenges. No single curriculum or method works for everyone. Your job is to design environments that promote confidence, safety, and authentic engagement—rather than compliance for its own sake.
When you break social skills into teachable components—joint attention, play, communication, problem-solving—and use evidence-based strategies such as modeling, role-play, video modeling, and Social Stories, you create a pathway for success that respects the learner’s individuality. Progress should be celebrated, no matter how small. And always keep in mind: generalization takes time, practice, and consistency across people and settings.
Ultimately, your goal isn’t to “fix” social differences. It’s to empower autistic learners to navigate the world in ways that are comfortable, functional, and aligned with who they are. When we embrace neurodiversity, prioritize learner assent, and remain flexible in our teaching approach, we open the door to meaningful, sustainable growth.
You’re not just teaching social skills—you’re cultivating confidence, independence, and belonging.
References and Related Reading
Alkinj, I., Pereira, A., & Santos, P. C. (2022). The effects of an educational program based on modeling and social stories on improvements in the social skills of students with autism. Heliyon, 8(5).
Chandler, L. K., Lubeck, R. C., & Fowler, S. A. (1992). Generalization and maintenance of preschool children's social skills: A critical review and analysis. Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, 25(2), 415-428.
Del Prette, Z. A. P., & Del Prette, A. (2010). Social skills and behavior analysis: Historical connection and new issues. Perspectivas em Análise do Comportamento, 1(2), 104-115.
Dogan, R. K., King, M. L., Fischetti, A. T., Lake, C. M., Mathews, T. L., & Warzak, W. J. (2017). Parent‐implemented behavioral skills training of social skills. Journal of applied behavior analysis, 50(4), 805-818.
Gray, C. (2018). Social stories 10. Carol Gray Social Stories. https://carolgraysocialstories.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Social-Stories-10.2-Criteria.pdf
Halle, S., Ninness, C., Ninness, S. K., & Lawson, D. (2016). Teaching social skills to students with autism: A video modeling social stories approach. Behavior and Social Issues, 25, 42-54.
Jonsson, U., Olsson, N. C., Coco, C., Görling, A., Flygare, O., Råde, A., ... & Bölte, S. (2019). Long-term social skills group training for children and adolescents with autism spectrum disorder: a randomized controlled trial. European child & adolescent psychiatry, 28, 189-201.
Litras, S., Moore, D. W., & Anderson, A. (2010). Using video self-modelled social stories to teach social skills to a young child with autism. Autism research and treatment, 2010.
Matson, J. L., Matson, M. L., & Rivet, T. T. (2007). Social-skills treatments for children with autism spectrum disorders: An overview. Behavior modification, 31(5), 682-707.
Moeller, R. W., & Seehuus, M. (2019). Loneliness as a mediator for college students' social skills and experiences of depression and anxiety. Journal of adolescence, 73, 1-13.
National Standards-Phase 1 (2009). National Autism Center at May Institute. (2022, March 31). https://nationalautismcenter.org/national-standards/phase-1-2009/
Øzerk, K., Özerk, G., & Silveira-Zaldivar, T. (2021). Developing social skills and social competence in children with autism. International Electronic Journal of Elementary Education, 13(3), 341-363.
Park, J., Bouck, E. C., & Duenas, A. (2020). Using video modeling to teach social skills for employment to youth with intellectual disability. Career Development and Transition for Exceptional Individuals, 43(1), 40-52.
Sani Bozkurt, S., & Vuran, S. (2014). An analysis of the use of Social Stories in teaching social skills to children with Autism Spectrum Disorders. Educational Sciences: Theory and Practice, 14(5), 1875-1892.
Sansosti, F. J., & Powell-Smith, K. A. (2008). Using computer-presented social stories and video models to increase the social communication skills of children with high-functioning autism spectrum disorders. Journal of Positive Behavior Interventions, 10(3), 162-178.
Social Skills and autism. Autism Speaks. (n.d.). https://www.autismspeaks.org/social-skills-and-autism
Thiemann, K. S., & Goldstein, H. (2001). Social stories, written text cues, and video feedback: Effects on social communication of children with autism. Journal of applied behavior analysis, 34(4), 425-446.
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